Any couple that has survived the engagement period knows that once they get past your wedding day, you can let your hair down a little and relax finally. Once the wedding is over, you can return to routine, your stress levels lower, and if you’re lucky you might even have a fantastic honeymoon vacation to wind down. As a lot of couples may know as well that after the months of chaos leading up to the big day, your relationship will have the biggest challenge to date: year one of the marriage.
There are many individual challenges as your marital bliss period can bring up doubts, arguments, and raise questions on your own or as a couple. While your relationship challenges will be individual to you as a couple, there are some simple tips and tricks that therapists assist with when it comes to marriage.
In a marriage, it’s easy to get along when things are going well, and you are happy. The most significant trick is to learn how to communicate well. People can often hold back in the first few months of marriage because they want to appear well-behaved for the sake of the relationship. They tend to be more patient and speak cautiously when arguing or approaching difficult subjects. Not everyone is straight up with their partner, and this can cause underlying problems.
Here are some of the most common mistakes a couple can make in year one of their marriage.
Not Talking About Money
Finances can be stressful. When you head into marriage, chances are you may already have credit together to pay for the wedding, credit cards or car loans, and talking about finances is exceptionally boring, but also significant. As soon as your names are the same you have specific financial responsibilities you never had before, and all these things will impact your future.
People tend to avoid financial conversations in a marriage because it more than often ends in arguments. However, when you marry you become a financial partnership, which means shared income and shared expenses. Couples who don’t speak about money tend to create nasty habits associated with money. It builds distrust when one person refuses to discuss financial matters and can cause resentment, and the marriage will suffer (and possibly fail) because of it.
The best way around negative responses to the financial discussion is to book time into each of your schedules, whether weekly or monthly, solely to discuss financial matters. Establishing proper communication techniques when it comes to finances early in a marriage is vital to the marriage’s success.
Not Creating Equal Household Roles
Starting a marriage means you have to set rules and boundaries and when it comes to housework, chores, errands, and anything else that takes time out of the day. It’s important to establish from the beginning who does what and how often it needs doing.
Having a one-sided relationship where one person comes home from work and sits on the lounge watching TV, while the other person cooks, cleans and does other chores is setting your marriage up for impending failure. Remember, you are in an equal partnership, and if you are both working full-time, the roles around the home need to be equally split so you can each enjoy the company of your partner nightly. If there are children in the relationship as well, there are other things that need to be taken into account, like quality time with all members of the family, school pickups and drop offs, homework, and extracurricular activities that require a responsibility share from each person in the marriage. Set rules early to avoid disappointment and misunderstanding down the track.
Forgetting The Little Things
Even the most trivial of things are essential to a successful marriage. Making the other person laugh, remembering their favorite flower or a cocktail they love can make the world of difference. A little romance goes a long way, and it is indeed not a one-way street. Do something each day your partner doesn’t expect. Even though you are married, you don’t need to stop trying, in fact, it’s even more critical that you continue to make an effort to stay happy.
Forgetting That Communication is Key
Communicate about everything, whether it is thanking them for doing the daily chores once in a while or telling them that you don’t like it when they leave their coffee cup on the bathroom sink every day. Communication is the key. Never forget the importance of mutual communication.