Does your partner stay over a lot? Dr. Forshee talks to Elite Daily about how to set a healthy limit if you live with a roommate
To make that clear, Dr. Danielle Forshee, doctor of psychology and licensed clinical social worker, suggests talking to your roommate openly about what it is, exactly, that might bother her about your partner staying over a lot. “Are there certain behaviors? Is your roommate simply a very private person and feels intruded upon? Is it the unpredictability of your partner showing up?” Dr. Forshee asks. “It’s possible that if you understand what some of your roommate’s concerns are, you may be able to prevent some of those concerns from occurring in the future.”
What shouldn’t happen, Dr. Forshee tells Elite Daily, is your roommate going behind your back to complain straight to your partner about how often they’re at your place.
In theory, that sounds like some evil, back-stabbing stuff, but this scenario could easily play out in a really low-key, seemingly harmless way. Say your partner let themselves into your apartment while you were still on your way home from work, but your roomie got back and saw your SO with their feet up on the couch for the sixth night in a row this week. Maybe your roommate seizes the one-on-one opportunity to drop a subtle, snide remark about how much higher the water bill’s been ever since your partner started taking their daily, post-work shower at your place.
By the time word gets back to you that this happened, you may feel really heated about it. If that’s the case, Dr. Forshee says it’s best not to talk to your roommate about it until you’ve simmered down a bit.
“The first thing to do is gather information from your partner about how your partner was approached, and what was discussed,” she tells Elite Daily. Then, with a clear head, she says, “schedule a time to meet up with your roommate in a neutral place, and let your roommate know that you understand that they spoke with your partner about financial responsibilities of the apartment.”
Make it clear to your roommate that you want to discuss these things privately — between the two of you — Dr. Forshee explains. You don’t need to necessarily label your roomie right or wrong for what they did; the most important thing, Forshee says, is to talk openly about what’s bothering both of you and come to a compromise you can both stick to moving forward.
However, you should be ready to hear that that compromise may include either a) your partner chipping into some of your living expenses, or b) taking your relationship with your SO to the next level.
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